I keep staring at the stream. At least, it is free to move; I am not. The vortices and swirling I see on its surface is kind of similar to my troubles though. They remind me of the confusion and disruptions that have made me thus. Despite the vortices, the streams keep moving; I do not…..
I was a full person- full of life, full of happiness and full of hope for the future. Although I did not have much, I still believed that I had much to give. Talk about giving – everyone believed I had a gift, a superior intellect which I gave freely and willing, so free was I with my gift that they called me “freemium”. Then she happened.
She took me by storm, literally. Initially, she was just one of the recipients of my “gifts” but then I began to give something else. I would not even dare accept the fact that I was capable of giving affection – the time was just not right or so I thought. Consciously or not I did give it and whether I wanted it or not she did accept it.
Our time together in a relationship – howbeit an unconfessed one. The sort of thing you would call a “friendtionship”. Unfortunately, all I had was the brain, I lack the brawn. And when the guy with the brawn came she was swept off. What gutted me the most was about the “the third party”, that I had been shunted. So much for my brains, I saw the signs and would deduce as much but I chose to ignore it. The I eventually accepted my loss, the flood gates of emotions were let loose and its currents swept me completely off course. For the first time in my life, I only felt I gave too much and to the wrong person for that matter. How do I regain what I have lost? How do I fill the void within me? My search has led me here, to this stream. And maybe like this stream that gives all and still gains all I could be reborn, renewed and rejuvenated. Maybe I have not list all after all, I was only emptied to be filled, lost to be found. I have learnt that some things though intangible can be of infinite value…..
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